When experiencing pregnancy after loss, learn to trust God. Again.
You can survive a pregnancy after loss. You can not only survive, but you can thrive. This is for the believer who has lost a child. Even the believer who has lost a pregnancy more than once. I know it’s a hard reality that you’re here and even that you may be here again. I want you to know these truths right off the bat:
- Though this is something that God allowed, understand that it was not His will. His will is that your seed lives. That no man perishes. It not being “your time” or your baby passing because it “was just His will” are likely things you will hear and feel but they are not true. God loves you and he loves your baby. We live in a broken world. Bad things happen AND God is still good.
- You CAN believe again. Just because you doubt and have fear does not mean your faith is broken. Your faith is bruised. God can and He will give you what you need and restore you again. You are not broken.
6 Therefore let all the faithful pray to you while you may be found; surely the rising of the mighty waters will not reach them.7 You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.
Psalms 32:6-7 NIV
Survive pregnancy after loss by inviting others in.
You need community. God designed His body so that we could heal each other’s wounds. You need to be surrounded by rejoicing! When a new life enters your womb after loss, sometimes that past grief overwhelms the joy. You need others who can stir that joy up when it’s hard for you.
Also, society has convinced us that when we conceive, we must keep it hush-hush. But why? For some odd reason, the world has put unnecessary shame on loss. When a loved one passes, do we pretend they never existed? No! We take the time to tell the world how wonderful and loved that person was.
The world also fears that if you share something good, something bad might happen. For one, that’s a ridiculous fear. It’s also superstition and we’re simply not here for any of that. As Jesus’ followers, let’s change that narrative. Let’s be bold in our faith, even when it’s hard.
You don’t have to shout your news from the rooftops, but you do need to surround yourself with people who can lift you up. If you have experienced loss, it is very likely that you will experience fear. You need support.
Let me push the envelope a little further on what society may think is taboo. Is that ok? God forbid, something goes wrong and you need prayers, support, or comfort. There’s no joy in announcing a problem. Announce your news with joy now so that you don’t have to have that joy stolen in announcing when there’s a problem. Let’s take fear by the horns and approach it dead on. Not talking about our fear of bad things won’t stop them from happening. God will give you the freedom you need but we have to be honest before Him and the people he’s placed in our circle to care for us.
If you hide your pregnancy, especially from the people who love you, that baby misses any opportunity they have to be loved and supported in the earliest (and most critical) phase of existence.
18 “Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. 19 “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.
Matthew 18:18-19 NIV
There is power when we unite. If you want to do anything real to thort and possible plan of the enemy, there’s real power in uniting with others and gathering in His name. Let’s fight fear with real power. The power is love and love found within community.
18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
1 John 4:18
Thrive in your pregnancy after loss by taking the focus off of you.
I know that sounds crazy. You may be thinking, how could I possibly do that? Just hear me out. Hyperfocusing on yourself in this season will not work out in your favor. During my last pregnancy (which was my 4th. Pregnancy #1 and #3 we both losses), I found myself very heavily focused on my body. Every cramp, every backache, everything would trigger an alarm in my heart. I was so focused on how well my body was doing with carrying the baby that I was driving myself insane!
Take the focus off of you by focusing on other people. Are there other mothers around you that you could show support for? Is there a person on your mind you’ve been meaning to reconnect with? Connect with them! Just get your mind off of yourself so you’re not counting every second of that first trimester. It will help you stop looking for negative signs.
Put your mind on something good.
One night when I was pregnant with the youngest and drifting off to sleep, telling the Lord about my concerns, He had me remember what it felt like to lay in the bed at night and feel my firstborn moving around, getting comfortable. He was showing how to think of things that are pure and lovely. When you’re walking out pregnancy after loss, the trauma of the previous experience will try to flood your mind. Focusing on the pure and lovely will help you extinguish doubt and worry. It’s a very practical way of allowing the peace that surpasses all understanding to guard your heart and mind.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Philippians 4:8
You may feel weak but the good news is you don’t have to depend on your strength.
I knew in this season of pregnancy after loss, I needed to lean on the strength of the Lord because I simply didn’t have it. But what did leaning on the strength of the Lord really look like? I heard the Lord say this:
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
Acknowledgment of weakness is how we tap into the strength of the Lord because His power is made perfect in weakness. Boast gladly about your weakness so that His power may rest on you.
It may sound weird that we must constantly remind ourselves that we are weak but the reality is, it’s good for us. Because we’re human, our natural bend is prideful. We like to believe that we “have it all together” when we don’t. If we humble ourselves and admit that we don’t have it all together, God can swoop in and give us what we need!
If you’re reading this, you are likely experiencing pregnancy after loss. First, I want to rejoice with you! Look what God has done! Secondly, I want to encourage you to hold tight to the joy you have. It is normal to feel grief while experiencing joy. My prayer for you is that your joy will be greater and that His love will consume you in this season.
If you’re looking for more encouragement in your faith walk, check out my blog post, Clutterd Mind?| 3 Ways to Make Some Space.
